The Seven Steps – One at a Time



Dealing with an emotional roller-coaster like divorce can mentally and physically exhaust anyone. There are moments, even days (hopefully not weeks!) when it seems like you can’t bear any more pain.

You’re not alone!

Luckily, you’ve found this website and my process for Surviving the Fog of Divorce™. The process is based on my real-life experience and has been refined by applying my brain-based coaching models. The process involves Seven Steps. I’ll cover the Step 1 here.

Disclaimer: While my program uses terminology that is similar to war, I fully endorse a peaceful and collaborative divorce where ALL parties — including any children — exit the marital relationship whole and unharmed.

Step 1. Private Time (Mourning Has Broken)

Divorce is the second most stressful event in life, following death of a loved one. During divorce, while your spouse has not actually died, it seems as if she has; she is no longer with you, she is gone.

This realization can be emotionally, spiritually, and physically devastating. It can be literally exhausting. Just getting through each day can require tremendous focus and energy, during a time in which you have very little to spare.

Taking private time to care for yourself and not have to focus on anyone or anything else is essential to your survival. It is how you recharge for the next day.

While his alone time is critical,  don’t completely isolate yourself. While it’s healthy to maintain a good deal of “alone” time, it can seem easier to avoid the outside world altogether. Force yourself to get out of your house a few times a week. Go to a movie. Take a walk. Go to the library. Visit a coffee shop.

The idea of Step1 is not about being social or engaging with other people; it is simply remaining safely connected to the outside world while you are dealing with your personal ordeal.

If you are successfully finding ways to care for yourself and would like to share them with other men dealing with divorce, feel free to email them to me and I’ll add them to the website.

If you are having difficulty with the process of your divorce and would welcome some objective help, feel free to contact me to discuss your situation.

Paul McGinniss, ACC RCC


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